Conan the Barbarian is
yet another movie based on the Conan character who was created by
writer Robert E. Howard. We have thus far seen stories featuring
Conan in a plethora of media formats such as films, games, comics, tv
shows and no doubt several others. I none the less have never really
been all that excited about the character or the stories he has
appeared in. However the prospect of a blood soaked sandle epic does
appeal to my taste in films (especially with the current lack of such
films) and sadly whilst Conan the Barbarian does provide for that, it
has several shortcomings.
Conan the Barbarian
starts of with a gloriously ridiculous scene of Conan's birth. Who is
born in the middle of a blood soaked battle as his father cuts him
from his dying mother and then holds Conan up in the air as he
screams (presumably both in pain and joy). After some overly obvious
exposition we are then introduced to a still young albeit no longer
infant Conan and his combat abilities and mastery are quickly shown
and the plot soon after kicks in (which of course required the
previously mentioned ham fisted exposition to even make any lick of
sense). Khalar Zym (played by the terrific Stephen Lang) seeks to
bring back his dead sorceress wife back to life with the aid of his
daughter Marique (played by Rose McGowan). Zym holds the belief in
doing so he would become a God and the ruler of all. Simply put Zym
is on a conquest for power and for a reason that is barely touched on
the film believes his all powerful albeit dead wife would be able to
grant him his wishes if she was brought back to life (though if she
was defeated before why couldn't she be defeated again?). That is
more or less all their is to the story and whilst the plot is solid
it is childishly simple and uninspired. None the less it remains
functional and is not one of the main issues present in the film.
The acting in Conan the
Barbarian varies from mediocre to absolutely appalling. The
previously mention Stephen Lang and Rose McGowan do their best as the
villains but the characters ultimately fell underdeveloped and the
reasons for their motives are barely touched on. As father and
daughter they also share a creepy scene that hints at an almost
incestuous relationship (or at least the possible desire for one)
which whilst creepy ultimately adds nothing to the film. Such issues
permeate throughout the entire film and 'characters' who already tend
to have little screen time and characterisation, have what little
they do often squandered on meaningless moments such as the
previously mentioned semi-incestuous one. As a result the film makers
seemed to rely on cheap visual cues such as an eye patch so as one
can remember who particular 'characters' are. The lead actor in
particular seemed content in mumbling his words with minimal
articulation which is further hindered by an uneven audio mix that
often had voices far to soft. None the less Momoa as Conan does
himself few favours and whilst he physically looks the part of a
ruthless Barbarian out for revenge, his acting ability (at least in
this film) is a far shoot from being even remotely good enough to
carry any film.
In spite of the above
issues with the performances and character a film such as this can
can still easily be enjoyed if the action is suitably well staged and
exciting (an epic fell also tends to help). Conan sadly has very
little of this. The action sequences are over edited and feature an
almost nauseating amount of camera movement combined with constant
cuts between different shoots that often do not flow from previous
shoots. I actually don't mind the shaky camera effect and also feel
the overly aggressive editing can work when used well and thus can be
an effective tool in enhancing a films action scenes. That however is
not the case here. Their are other extremely noticeable issue in
editing (although they are likely to stem from filming issues) such
as the time of day during the boat fight. The 'bad guys' sneak onto
the boat and it is clearly dusk or dawn and moments later when they
are detected it is suddenly a bright and sunny day. Such an instance
isn't to bad in of itself and by no means something that ruins a
film, but it does highlight the issues that are constantly present in
the action scenes which jump around with no sense of flow from shoot
to shoot and ultimately make this hard to garner any enjoyment.
The pacing is also
problematic in that it is practically non existent and as the movie
jumps from one action scene to another over and over again. The
result is a complete lack of any sense of danger for the lead
characters. Conan the Barbarian simply fells as if it's constantly
deflating and slowly winding down towards the inevitable finale which
to its credit does try to fell bigger and more epic then the previous
action scenes, but is none the less plagued by the same issues that
are present throughout the entire film and thus the film sadly ends
with a whimper.
It saddens me to say
that whilst Conan the Barbarian is by no means the worst film
released this year and whilst it is not without its positives, it is
none the less a film that was ultimately more often boring to watch
then it is fun. Conan the Barbarian is simply overwhelmed by numerous
issues which successfully zaps near on all the fun the film could
otherwise have had to offer. Conan the Barbarian does not come recommended.
The 3d:
Conan the Barbarian is
also available in 3d and as has far to often become the case is a
complete 2d to 3d conversion. Conan the Barbarian was not shoot in 3d
and it was not shoot for 3d and whilst a good conversion can look
amazing and add to many films (usually only when intended or wanted
by the film makers) that where never intended to be seen in 3d . In
this case it however sadly adds nothing to this film and if anything
it makes the already poorly edited action sequences even harder to
watch as the hectic editing is anything but 3d friendly. The 3d is
also minimal and takes on an every flat appearance that does nothing
to enhance the story and as previously mentioned actually hinders the
action scenes. Hence if you do decide to see this film I would urge
you to ignore the 3d option and see it in 2d.
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